Tuesday, January 01, 2008

2008 is going to be an awesome year. For one thing, Rachel and I are going to have a baby in August! Well, she's doing all the work of it, I just get to sit by and watch as my DNA colonizes and parasitizes my WIFE. Which is creepy and beautiful and fascinating all at the same time. It's like a science experiment! Unfortunately my suggestion that we name the baby Patient Zero has been flatly rejected.

Hormones produced by Rachel's body, as prompted by the cantankerous mass of protoplasm in her uterus, have been making some fascinating changes in her behaviour as well as impending physiological modifications. Luckily she's largely over the severe nausea, inappropriately named "morning sickness" since it seems to strike at any time day or night, like ninjas of vomit.

Ninja vomit aside, the most peculiar side effect has been that my normally loving and affectionate wife has taken on the character of a mildly homicidal cat that still enjoys being petted in very specific and particular ways, ways that are subject to spontaneous change without notice, and as such, any physical contact is contingent upon the careful observation of body language, posture, pupil dilation, and judicious application of protective eyeware. Touching is ok, squeezing is right out. Caressing prompts elbow to face. Back scratches are appreciated, but sudden motions towards the boobs result in reflexive attempts castration. I'm getting used to the discomfort that accompanies the necessity of wearing protective groin-wear. [note: not corrective groin wear, which is something entirely different]

This is, of course, in addition to occasional food craving that I am convinced will become more and more outlandish and improbable. Sure, right now she just wants greek salads and sushi, but in a month or two it'll be "I need a single, perfect plum, floating in perfume, served in a man's hat... FOR THE BABY!!!" This has, of course, become her new battle cry and all purpose justification for any request she might make.

Despite the adaptations necessary to these fascinating new facets of my beloved wife, I am very excited and happy about the prospect.
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2 comments:

picopooki said...

Hi

I absolutely loved your post about your wifes behaviour. That is exactly what i was like for both my pregnancies and I have to warn you it carries on until you stop breastfeeding. A month after finishing breastfeeding I was pregnant with baby number 2 - which i am still breastfeeding - poor husband eh!!! I am going to show him your post so he knows he is not alone.

Also I wondered if I cold use aspects of you post anonymously on my website: http://www.survivemorningsickness.com in the section for fathers. I thnk they would find it really useful.

Thank you - and congrats on the pregnancy!

Best Wihes
Claire

Xtopher42 said...

Sure, go right ahead! I have two stepchildren who are 6 and 8, and so I'd been forewarned about what to expect, which makes it funny instead of distressing. I'll check out your website as well. How did you end up finding my blog, out of curiosity?